Archives For Pornography

Porn: A Bigger Problem Than You May Think

March 14, 2013 — Leave a comment

Porn is a problem.

If you’re unaware of the problem, this may come as a shock to you.

These stats may alarm you. But don’t let the immensity of the problem weigh you down. I’ve provided helpful links below for all those who want to find lasting freedom.

statsonporn Porn: A Bigger Problem Than You May Think

Porn Stats Infographic courtesy of Mars Hill

If you are trapped in a porn addition, or know someone who is, then there is hope for you.

If you’re stuck in a pattern of unhealthy behavior, you know first hand the power of images. What you once thought of as a recreational activity now has a hold on your attention. No matter how hard you try, you are unable to stop the habit. And I hate to break it to you, but you won’t be able to, at least not alone.

But that doesn’t mean you’re without hope. God has provided everything we need to be forgiven and to change.

Don’t wait any longer. Guilt and shame will keep you stuck. Take the first step and click a link below. Start reading. Get honest with yourself, God, and the people who are closest to you. Freedom is yours for the taking.

For Help Understanding and Quitting Porn:

  1. Porn by the Numbers

  2. Why Porn is Killing You

  3. Telling God about your Porn Habit

  4. Telling your Spouse about your Porn Habit

  5. Telling your Trusted Friend about your Porn Habit

  6. How to Get Help: Quitting Porn for Good

Thank you to Mars Hill Church for creating this graphic.

Thank you to “Ministry Best Practices” for bringing it to my attention.

Thank you to “Porn Freedom Now” for their great ministry.

For more help, visit xxxchurch.com!

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How to Get Help: Quitting Porn for Good

July 17, 2012 — 5 Comments
How to Get Help: Quitting Porn for Good

Getting Help: Quitting Porn for Good

This series began with a post called, “Porn by the Numbers“, in which I shared just a few stats that shed light about the role of pornography in America today. Long story short, pornography, which cheapens and deadens the God-given design for pure sex between a husband and a wife, is being consumed by the boatload.

If you’ve ever tried to move away from a bad habit and toward a new normal, you know you’re going to meet resistance. When you step out of the darkness and into the light, you can experience great freedom. However, you may also step into what I call ” the heavy gravity zone”. There are many reasons it’s difficult.

  1. First of all, if you’ve been consuming porn, do not be surprised when you find it difficult to stop, even if you know you’re doing the right thing. That’s normal. If quitting a bad habit was easy, no one would smoke, drink too much, or overeat.
  2. There are physiological reasons that it’s difficult to stop. Your body will physically crave the endorphin dump that occurs while being stimulated by pornographic images.
  3. Then there is the less-obvious but still powerful force of habit. If viewing porn is what you’ve always done when you’re all alone, then you’re going to have to find something else to do.
  4. Finally, there are spiritual reasons it’s difficult to stop a sinful activity (yes, that’s an old word, but it includes all behavior that’s contrary to God’s plan).

You’ll need a strong dose of encouragement, a support system, and most of all, God’s power to help make the change last.

If you’d like to move away from porn and into a life of purity, this post is for you. Here’s how:

  • Encouragement for the Quitter

You’re not the first person to get wrapped up in something you wish you didn’t. And you won’t be the last. The good news is that you don’t have to stay where you’re at. Today could be the first day on your road to purity. Take the next steps, and you’ll be well on the way.

  • Make the big change. Take action.
Good intentions are not enough. So stop telling yourself “I can do this” and delaying your recovery. You can’t without taking these steps. What kind of concrete actions do you need to take in order to change your behavior? Do you need to fast from your the internet altogether? Is it time to install accountability software on your PC?
  • Get Your Support System in Place

You cannot do this alone. No one can. If you could have, you would have already. You need the support of a few people who will love you unconditionally, support you relentlessly, and speak plain truth into your life when you need it. Your spouse, trusted friend or your pastor can help you. Is it time to (gulp) have that first difficult conversation where you ask someone for help, prayer and accountability?

  • Get God’s Help

You need all the help you can get. The good news is that God is willing and able to give you exactly what you need. No matter what you’ve done, what you’ve seen, or where you’ve been, God offers forgiveness through Jesus Christ.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

What’s even better than forgiveness? The power to lead a different life than you did yesterday. Paul, a man who experienced tremendous change in his life, tells us what’s available for the believer:

“…his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength 20 he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead…” (Ephesians 1:19-20)

So there it is.

Simple, difficult steps.

Take one, then the other. Believe that God has made a life of purity available for you, and step in his direction. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

Read the Whole Series:

  1. Porn by the Numbers
  2. Why Porn is Killing You
  3. Telling God about your Porn Habit
  4. Telling your Spouse about your Porn Habit
  5. Telling your Trusted Friend about your Porn Habit
  6. How to Get Help: Quitting Porn for Good
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Telling Your Trusted Friend about your Porn Habit

June 22, 2012 — 7 Comments

Are you sick of all this “telling” yet?

Good.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to drag you through some needless agony here. Penance doesn’t help solve a bad habit. But if you’ve done the hard work of telling God, then telling your spouse, about your porn habit, you’re ready for this next step.

You need a trusted friend who knows your struggle and will keep you accountable to pure living. Old habits die hard, and when you’ve failed, you need to be able to ‘fess up to someone who will both love you and hold your feet to the fire a little bit. Here’s how you can take that step today.

  1. Think of a friend who you know will love you no matter what. You’re about to bear your soul to this person. You should have a reasonable foundation of trust already built with this person.
  2. Think of a friend who’s committed to living a pure, godly life. We cannot give what we do not have. If your friend doesn’t give a rip about their own personal purity, how in the world are they going to help you? They don’t have to be perfect. Heck, they may even be as screwed up as you! But they need to be moving forward.
  3. Think of a friend who can keep their mouth shut. And commit to keeping your mouth shut as your friend reveals their struggles to you, as well. This is a trust relationship. Break that trust, and you’ll be starting over from zero.

If you don’t have a friend like this, it’s time to get some new friends. Seriously. It is.

If you’re fortunate enough to have a friend like this, call them today. Tell them you’ve just installed “X3Watch” on your computer and/or smartphone, and you’d like them to take a look at the Accountability Report that lands in their inbox every 2 weeks.

Done. Now all you have to do is continue the conversation.

There, wasn’t that simple?

Read the Whole Series:

  1. Porn by the Numbers
  2. Why Porn is Killing You
  3. Telling God about your Porn Habit
  4. Telling your Spouse about your Porn Habit
  5. Telling your Trusted Friend about your Porn Habit
  6. How to Get Help: Quitting Porn for Good
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Telling Your Spouse about your Porn Habit

June 20, 2012 — 5 Comments

“Do I have to?”

Telling Your Spouse about your Porn Habit

Your Marriage is Worth It

I can hear the objections already. If you’ve confessed to God that you’ve been involved with porn and want to stop, that’s a fantastic first step. The next step (if you’re married) is to tell your spouse. Why?

  • You’ve been sinning against them. God provided you with a spouse as the source of your sexual fulfillment. That does not mean that they are required to be available 24 hours a day to carry out your every fantasy. That simply means that you’re involved in a sexual relationship with them and only them. Period.

I don’t know how much you read the Bible, but it’s more practical than you may think. Proverbs 5 is a great reminder of the kind of purity God expects us to maintain in the marriage relationship.

15 Drink water from your own cistern,
running water from your own well.
16 Should your springs overflow in the streets,
your streams of water in the public squares?
17 Let them be yours alone,
never to be shared with strangers.
18 May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful deer —
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
20 Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife?
Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?

Who knew the Bible was so explicit? And helpful? God gives us some straight-up wisdom here. The fountain of sex should be kept private, between you and your spouse. It seems simple, but I’ve watched a lot of people get this wrong, and pay a high price for it. It’s time to start guarding that spring. Don’t let anyone else in, either in person or electronically.

“But I’m not married.”

Yet. And don’t forget, the people featured in porn are victims of visual adultery. You wouldn’t want someone gawking at your daughter or wife, would you?

So here’s a few tips toward coming clean with your spouse:

  • Choose the time and place. This is a serious matter, and needs to be handled face-to-face, not by text or facebook. Sit down with your spouse and give them your undivided attention. Then do what’s hard but necessary. Tell them the truth.
  • Tell them it’s been a struggle for you, but don’t go into extraordinary detail. It’s unnecessary and can cause more harm than good.
  • Expect them to be angry and hurt. Feelings of betrayal are appropriate for your spouse. They will need time to process, and most likely will not understand. This resource may help them.
  • Ask them for forgiveness, and accountability. Tell them you’ll be adding them to the new accountability software you’re installing on your computer and smartphone.

If you take this step, you’ve truly committed to recovery. Hang in there. The next step is coming.

Read the Whole Series:

  1. Porn by the Numbers
  2. Why Porn is Killing You
  3. Telling God about your Porn Habit
  4. Telling your Spouse about your Porn Habit
  5. Telling your Trusted Friend about your Porn Habit
  6. How to Get Help: Quitting Porn for Good
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Telling God about your Porn Habit

June 18, 2012 — 3 Comments

Help begins here.

If you’ve struggled with porn, you’re not alone. Many see nothing wrong with it, thinking that it’s harmless. You know better. Your conscience tells you it’s wrong. You sense the negative effects of consuming the “fast food” of sex, a far cry from the meaningful fulfillment God intended for the marriage relationship.

Now the question becomes, “What do I do about this?” Many people discover that, once they’ve decided to make a change, they don’t know where to begin. You make a commitment to never look at porn again, but then you do it again shortly. Panic sets in. “How do I get out of this? I’ve been looking for so long, and I’ve tried to stop so many times, but I always go back.”

The Psalmist gave us a great starting point to begin winning the battle of secret sin:

16 Come and hear, all you who fear God;
let me tell you what he has done for me.
17 I cried out to him with my mouth;
his praise was on my tongue.
18 If I had cherished sin in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened;
19 but God has surely listened
and has heard my prayer.
20 Praise be to God,
who has not rejected my prayer
or withheld his love from me!

 He calls all who respect God to listen. This is his story of how he cried out to God from a desperate place. If he held onto sin, he’s convinced that God would not have listened. So he must have made a decision in his heart to align his thoughts with God’s, to redefine what He was seeking and pursuing. He came to God in desperation, but wasn’t rejected. He didn’t get called stupid or worthless. He found God ready to answer and love him. Now he is joyful because of how God has answered his prayer.
  • Is that your decision today?
  • Are you ready to make a break from porn?
  • Are you ready to seek forgiveness, cleansing and purity from Him?

All you have to do is ask.

I know. It sounds too simple. Forgiveness, cleansing and purity, just for the asking? It’s outrageous. But do not be confused. The lavish price was paid by our savior when He, the pure One, was nailed to a cross. Then the victory for our future was won when He was brought back from the dead.

Maybe there is one more thing you have to do.

Believe. Agree with God that it’s time to walk in a new direction, away from sin and toward a new hope. Agree that God’s word is true. In it He says,

8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

If you’re in your right mind, you know you’ve sinned. The good news is that if you confess it to God, He’s ready and waiting to forgive you.

  • Wouldn’t it be amazing if you could experience forgiveness?
  • What would it be like to be purified right now?

Want to find out? Pray with me:

“Father, I know I’ve been full of sin. I’m so sick of getting sucked into this trap, and I want out. I’m asking you to forgive me because of what Jesus has done for me on the cross. Thank you for His sacrifice for me, for Him laying down His pure life in exchange for mine. Come purify my heart, and empower me to live a new life tomorrow. Amen”

Read the Whole Series:

  1. Porn by the Numbers
  2. Why Porn is Killing You
  3. Telling God about your Porn Habit
  4. Telling your Spouse about your Porn Habit
  5. Telling your Trusted Friend about your Porn Habit
  6. How to Get Help: Quitting Porn for Good
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Porn by the Numbers

May 22, 2012 — 7 Comments
Porn by the Numbers

Porn by the Numbers

When I was a kid, a prominent member of our community got “spotted” exiting the Adult Bookstore. In my family, and in most of our community, that was pure scandal. What filled the shelves of that non-windowed store was considered dark, dirty, smut. But today you don’t have to walk into some seedy store to get more porn than you can imagine. The internet, in all its splendor, brings explicit content right to your monitor, laptop, tablet or smartphone. Lucky us.

The result is that porn is now viewed by more people, in greater volume, than ever before in history.

In this weekend’s Marriage Workshop at New Life, I identified porn as “the intimacy killer”. The effects of porn are far reaching, and impact the viewer, their spouse and children, and the people producing it. I’ll go into greater detail in a future post. I researched some numbers on one of my favorite websites, xxxchurch.com . (Trust me, this is the only xxx site I will ever recommend.) The numbers may shock you.

Here are some stats from xxxchurch that may open your eyes to the prevalence of pornography in our homes:

  • There are over 11,000 pornographic films produced annually.
  • According to 2004 IFR research, U.S. porn revenue exceeds the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC (6.2 billion). Porn revenue is larger than all combined revenues of all professional football, baseball and basketball franchises. The pornography industry, according to conservative estimates, brings in $57 billion per year, of which the United States is responsible for $12 billion.
  • Approximately 40 million people in the United States are sexually involved with the Internet
  • 2.5 billion emails per day are pornographic
  • 25 percent of all search engine requests are pornography related
  • Sex is the number 1 topic searched on the Internet
  • Wow. Those numbers are mind-boggling. The sad news is, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Take a look at the rest of the porn stats, complete with references.
Is porn a problem in your home? You’re not alone.
If you’re struggling with pornography, there is great hope for you.
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