Archives For Life

When Goals Go Missing…

April 18, 2013 — Leave a comment
1239807 legs of a young man running When Goals Go Missing...

When Goals Go Missing…

 

Goals are slippery. Look away for just ya moment and they’re nowhere to be found.

Goals are harder to keep track of than a toddler at a department store. They’re more elusive than a deer in the deep woods.

Chances are you can’t even remember your New Years resolution by now. It’s a foggy memory at best. That’s ok.

When goals go missing, there’s one question we can ask ourselves to regain focus and get us moving in the right direction. Are you ready to ask? Here it is:

“Are the small things I’m doing today building toward my preferred future?”

This question works for goals in:
  • Finances
  • Relationships
  • Physical Health
  • Spiritual Health
Another way to ask the same question is:

“Are my moment-to-moment choices moving me closer to or further from my end goals?”

Here’s your next step:

  1. Ask the question of every area of your life.
  2. Answer honestly.
  3. If you’re brave, ask a friend who will give you an unfiltered answer.

Then refocus and step forward.

Pick up that new habit that will build you up.

Eliminate that weight you’ve been hanging onto.

Live your life on purpose.

You can thank me in 6 months.

Here’s 3 more posts to help you achieve your goals!

  1. Goals are Dreams with Deadlines

  2. Walk: Take a Step Toward Your Goal

  3. Contentment? I Hate It.

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Goals are Dreams with Deadlines

March 22, 2013 — 5 Comments
Goals are Dreams with Deadlines

Dreams are Goals with Deadlines – Joe Wickman

I’m fat.

Well, I’m fatter than I want to be. I have been for some time.

Saturday I’m running a 5K. It might kill me.

I hate running. I have never run a competitive race. But I finally decided that I hate being fat worse than I hate running.

I also knew that if I didn’t make a concrete deadline, injecting motivation into my workouts, I would quit as soon as it got tough. The terrible idea of running 5,000 meters was enough to get my sorry butt out on the road. I downloaded the free Couch to 5K app on my iPhone, and off I went.

The first day of running brought a violent snowstorm. I thought, “Really?” If I hadn’t committed to a terrifying goal, I would have packed it in right then and there. But the deadline looming just weeks ahead forced me to put one fat foot in front of the other. Off I went for my first run.

You know what’s funny though? I’ve been out of shape for along time, hating every minute of it, but I haven’t done anything about it until recently. I hate being chubby, out of breath and tired. I love feeling fit and having energy to spare at the end of a day.

So why did it take me years of feeling like crud before I did something about it?

I have a bunch of excuses:

Well, maybe that last one is just a matter of self control. But isn’t it always?

Here’s what I realized: I am the only one responsible for my own health. I have to determine that it’s important enough to improve.

But wanting to change isn’t enough.

I’ve always had the desire to be healthy. I’ve dreamed about it. But I haven’t followed through on that desire.

Do you know why?

I never set a deadline.

Deadlines are wonderful things. They force our brains to work backwards. They start at the end goal and reach back to where we currently are. From there, we can divide up our big goal into tiny, single-step increments. As we execute on each step, we eventually begin gaining ground.

Once we get under way, moving in the direction of our goals, hope begins to build. Even though we’ve only taken a step or two, we know we’re making progress.

Bottom Line: Goals are Dreams with Deadlines.

Without a deadline, a goal is just a fantasy.

I’ve been running 6 weeks now. I’ve also been doing push-ups since New Year’s Day. I haven’t lost a single pound yet. But my body is changing. My energy level is changing. I’m not sitting still.

I’m working toward a goal. After I achieve this one I’ll pick another.

  • What do you dream about accomplishing?

  • What has bothered you for a long time?

  • Have you done anything about it?

  • Maybe it’s time to make that dream a goal.

Pick a deadline and get to work.

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Comfort – Help for the Hurting

December 14, 2012 — 4 Comments
Comfort Help for the Hurting

Comfort – Help for the Hurting

Sometimes there’s nothing we can do to remove the pain we’re experiencing. Circumstances beyond our control find us hurting and in need of help.

Instead of trying to understand or diminish the hurt, embrace the One who is called, “The God of all comfort…” (2 Corinthians 1:3)

Read through these verses. Click on the links to read further. Meditate on God’s goodness, even in the middle of your pain. Receive the comfort He has to offer.

  • Comfort is sometimes hard to find.

Job 7:13-14 13 When I think my bed will comfort me and my couch will ease my complaint, 14 even then you frighten me with dreams and terrify me with visions,

Psalm 119:82 My eyes fail, looking for your promise; I say, “When will you comfort me?”

Psalm 86:17 Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

  • Those closest to us are often best equipped to comfort us.

Job 2:11: When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him andcomfort him.

Job 42:11
All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the LORD had brought on him, and each one gave him a piece of silver and a gold ring.

2 Corinthians 7:6 But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus,

  • Whatever we face, our Heavenly Father’s presence and promises are comforting.

Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 119:50 My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.

Psalm 119:52 I remember, LORD, your ancient laws, and I find comfort in them.

Psalm 119:76 May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.

Isaiah 12:1 In that day you will say: “I will praise you, LORD. Although you were angry with me, your anger has turned away and you have comforted me.

Isaiah 49:13 Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.

Isaiah 51:3 The LORD will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the LORD. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing.

Isaiah 51:12 “I, even I, am he who comforts you. Who are you that you fear mere mortals, human beings who are but grass,

Isaiah 57:18 I have seen their ways, but I will heal them; I will guide them and restore comfort to Israel’s mourners,

Isaiah 66:13 As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.”

Jeremiah 8:18 You who are my Comforter in sorrow, my heart is faint within me.

Jeremiah 31:13 Then young women will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.

The New Testament offers our ultimate comfort: Jesus

Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

John 14:1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God ; believe also in me.

2 Corinthians 1:5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.

The comfort we receive isn’t just for us. Get it. Then give it.

2 Corinthians 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort…

2 Corinthians 1:4 …who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

2 Corinthians 1:7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Isaiah 40:1 Comfort, comfort my people, says your God.

 

God will not be silent forever.

Even in times of incredible pain, questioning and heartache, He will be found. Seek Him. Find Him. Then share the comfort you have received with others who are hurting.

Also Read: “HOPE – 29 Reasons to Hope“

and “Hope for the Hurting“

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Contentment? I Hate It.

December 10, 2012 — 1 Comment

I live in a constant state of dissatisfaction.

photo 300x300 Contentment? I Hate It.

Contentment? I Hate It.

For as long as I could remember, I’ve been striving to improve myself and the world around me. I look at my relationships, my home, my bank account and my job and I think, “I can improve. There is progress to be made.”

I have hopes and dreams for every aspect of my life.

  • I want to improve the quality of each of my most important relationships.
  • I want to make more money so that I can give more generously and provide better for my family.
  • I want to be the most effective pastor possible.
  • I want to run a 7 minute mile and bench-press 300 pounds.

(This is the short list.)

I’m constantly leaning into the next learning curve. The next challenge. The next hill to climb.

None of these desires are bad in and of themselves. I intend on driving hard toward goals the rest of my life. Every man I’ve ever looked up to has done the same. It’s probably a positive aspect of my personality. But every positive trait comes with a “side B”.

My desire to improve the future sometimes steals away my enjoyment of the present.

To be perfectly honest, contentment is really difficult for me.

Personal improvement has its place. But when it’s not kept in that place, it wreaks havoc on our ability to enjoy life for what it currently is. Focus too much on what it could be, and you’ll never enjoy what it is. The result is that contentment is replaced with a creeping sense of anxiety and inadequacy. We move from one season of life to the next, ever-striving but never satisfied.

How much improvement is enough? Just a little bit more. Perfection is never attainable. Victory is never savored when we’re constantly reaching for the next goal.

I am now faced with some intense questions:

  • Am I able to enjoy the blessings (there are many) that God has placed right in front of me?
  • Can I live with the fact that I probably will not reach every goal in my life?
  • If God does not allow me to improve, will I still be grateful and thankful?
  • If my life gets worse, or harder, is God still good?
If I am constantly striving for improvement, never resting and enjoying my current blessings, then I am signaling to God and others that what He has done so far is inadequate. That’s not how I want to live.

So here’s the big question about contentment:

  • Will I ever be satisfied with what God has given me?
  • Will you?

Contentment is not the enemy of improvement. It is the enjoyment of the present.

My personal contentment, regardless of circumstances, is an act of worship of the God who has supplied for all my needs.

My inability to rest in contentment may be the most base act of self-worship I could possibly indulge in.

Paul said, “…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” (Philippians 4:11-12)

  • How do I learn to live with the tension that exists between what is and what could be?
  • Am I able, right now, to be content with what God has done in my life?
  • Do I need a shift in perspective that will raise my level of contentment?

For More Help:

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In Life, Spiritual Survival Skills
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Why I Do What I Do

August 3, 2012 — 1 Comment

Next week is a prime example of who I am. I, along with a brave crew of leaders, will be taking 70 teens to camp for a week.

I can hear you saying now, “Are you crazy!?” Well, maybe. Pray for me.

The camp is called “Launch”. There are so many things holding down. Peer pressure to fit into the world’s mold regarding drugs, alcohol and sex are just the beginning. A fragile self-image or hurting home life is all-too-often the reality a teen comes to camp with. We want to give them an uplifting week, teaching them how to “defy gravity” in this world.

The week will be filled with some lights-out fun. Horseback riding, paintball, and of course, an epic climbing tower that freaks me out every time I try to amble up it. Sometimes I think, “I have the most fun job in the world.” Hanging around these teens keeps me young (or makes me old quickly, I haven’t decided yet).

But there’s also another component that runs throughout the week. We’ll worship God together, walk through the book of Colossians, and learn how to tap into all God has for us in a dynamic, genuine relationship with Him.

My favorite part of the week, hands down, is getting to share my experience as a Christ follower, passing it on to the next generation. This is the “lane” that, through years of experimentation, I have learned to run in. I searched through my college years for other ways to spend my life. Disturbed with the pain and suffering I saw in the world, I considered careers in medicine, education and counseling. All helping roles, I was longing to fulfill my desire to change the world for the better in some tangible way.

In the end, none of the aforementioned pursuits, as worthy as they are, captured my imagination like ministry. Teachers educate whole generations. Doctors heal the sick and broken. Counselors guide and comfort the hurting. Each of these noble professions, done well, require a calling of their own. I respect and value those who answer that call. As for me, however, I realized none of them were the appropriate destination.

I recently read a quote that encapsulated the way I feel about becoming a pastor to do my life’s work.

“There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.” – Henry David Thoreau

Look around you. My guess is it won’t take long for you to identify hurt, evil and injustice in this world. If you’re human, you have to eventually answer the “why” and “what now” questions. How do we “strike at the root” of evil? How do we make a lasting impact that will leave the world a better place when we’re gone?

The best way I know how to help people is to introduce them to the One who has come to heal the broken, teach all who are willing to listen, and comfort the distraught. Jesus Christ, God eternal, became man in order to display who He truly is. Then, still a young man, He gave Himself over to a grisly death, sacrificing His perfect life as payment for our shortcomings.

If that’s true, that God died for us, and was then resurrected so that we could share in new life, what better message could there be?

The reality of entering into a relationship with Jesus Christ has been the single greatest change agent in my life. Simply introducing others to the God who created and loves them is my life’s mission. Next week I’ll get to do that with 70 teens. Throughout the rest of my life, God-willing, I’ll get to tell thousands of others. That’s why I write. That’s why I preach. That’s why I  train others who want to do the same.

What about you? What’s your calling? Has God designed you to influence the world through another path?

I’d love to hear in the comments.

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Why Porn is Killing You

June 4, 2012 — 4 Comments
Why Porn is Killing You

Why Porn is Killing You

In “Porn by the Numbers” I highlighted a few stats collected by our friends at xxxchurch.com . No matter what slice of information you sample, the numbers are staggering. More pornography is available today, and viewed by more people, than any time in history.

As access to pornography has proliferated, so has cultural acceptance of it. What was once a “dirty secret”, stashed away shamefully, is now much more out in the open. It is referred to and made light of in popular culture. Along with the widespread acceptance has come a new tolerance of what was once considered too sexual. What was once acknowledged as “soft core porn” now permeates magazines, advertisements and almost every surface that can be covered by an image. Sex sells, and apparently, business is booming.

Here’s the tricky part. No matter how accepted porn becomes in our culture, it is still corrosive and destructive at the core. Do not be fooled, porn is not a natural part of our sexuality. It is a distortion of it. The viewer of porn is harmed by it in more ways that one.

Why Porn is Killing You

It’s guaranteed to never satisfy:  The progressive nature of porn exposure ensures that we will never be satisfied with viewing the same amount of porn as we used to. This progression, similar to other physical addictions, ensures that a constant pursuit of more and more graphic content is the norm. In order to achieve the same “high” from porn tomorrow as we did yesterday, we must consume more of it, or more graphic versions of it. Sexuality, being an appetite, is influenced and distorted out of its intended shape by the consumption of low-value, high-volume “foods”. The result is growing dissatisfaction with porn itself, as well as the authentic sexual relationship God has designed for us.

It kills our chances of real sexual intimacy:  Consider this, if you are single, and a consumer of porn, how in the world could your spouse satisfy you on your wedding night, or any other night for that matter? If you routinely fantasize about, and in fact view, fake and distorted sexual acts that can be changed at the click of a button, then how could a real, live human being ever match up? They can’t. And they shouldn’t. Attempting to fulfill our sexual needs with anyone other than our spouse is going to lessen the chances of our spouse being able to fulfill us sexually. Did you get that? Let me rephrase it. The more we consume porn, the less satisfied we will be with a real sexual relationship with our spouse. Want a better sex life now or in the future? Ditch the porn.

It kills our closeness to God:  God has designed the sexual relationship of a husband and wife to involve much more than physical pleasure. The physical pleasure is best and most fulfilling when it falls under a life-long commitment of two people who are intimately familiar with each other’s needs within and without the bedroom. God knows exactly how we are wired. He designed us!  His plan always leads to the greatest fulfillment, not emptiness.

When Jesus said, “anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28) he was holding out for a higher standard than what was popular at the time. He highlighted the state of the heart, even if it didn’t result in acting out physically. If you’re a Christ follower, you understand that the cycle of guilt and shame involved with viewing porn can become so overwhelming that you want to walk away from your faith altogether. When we’re losing the battle with lust, we don’t exactly feel like we can approach God. The truth is, sin becomes a wedge that drives us further and further away from Him. Darkness always flees from the light, and if the darkness within us is growing, we tend to shy away from the very One who can cleanse and heal us.

There is good news. This cycle can be broken. Stay tuned for the next installments in this series.

Read the Whole Series:

  1. Porn by the Numbers
  2. Why Porn is Killing You
  3. Telling God about your Porn Habit
  4. Telling your Spouse about your Porn Habit
  5. Telling your Trusted Friend about your Porn Habit
  6. How to Get Help: Quitting Porn for Good
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Work is (not) a Four-Letter Word

March 26, 2012 — 5 Comments

Hate Mondays? You’re not alone.

Work is (not) a Four Letter Word

Monday

Mondays are universally despised by every man, woman and child who has ever had to say “goodbye” to a weekend of enjoyment and “hello” to the work week. Whether Monday finds you on the job, at home with the kids, or at school, chances are today is the day you love to hate.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

Take a moment to change your thinking. It’ll make your Monday better:

  • Perspective Shift:  Work is not from the devil.

For most of us, the weekend represents what we get to do, while Monday brings what we have to do. If we’re “living for the weekend”, we’re dooming ourselves to a future of resenting our jobs, as well as the people we work with. Considering we spend 30 to 50 years showing up to them 5 or more days a week, this is an absolute tragedy. What if “work” wasn’t a four-letter word? Well, it is. But that’s beside the point.
Work is not some drudgery that is meant to be a life sentence. The devil did not design work to ruin our lives. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Consider this Verse:
The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. (Genesis 2:15 NIV)
God formed man in His own image, then gave him a job. This shouldn’t surprise us. Just prior to this, God had put himself to work, forming all of creation! So, if God Himself isn’t above doing meaningful work, then why should we be?
This happened before the Fall of Man. At this point, everything was pristine on earth, undisrupted by the consequences of man’s disobedience. This means that God’s original intention was for us to do meaningful work. Adam was assigned manual labor, tending the garden of Eden. There’s no record of him complaining.
Sure, you don’t work in Eden, and you do have to work with the realities of a world marred by sin. The point, however, remains. God’s original intention for you, me, everyone, is for us to work. It is hard-wired into us to do meaningful work, and find satisfaction in it. God designed work for own fulfillment, not as a punishment.
  • What would it look like if you viewed your job as God’s idea?
  • What would happen if you stopped resenting your work, and started embracing it?

I suspect you would find more fulfillment then you ever thought possible.

Need more help with Mondays? Read, “How to Have a Miserable Monday“

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How to Have a Miserable Monday

March 19, 2012 — 5 Comments

Happy Monday.

How to Have a Miserable Monday

How to Have a Miserable Monday

Welcome to the day of the week we all love to hate. Mondays are universally known s the day of the week we’d all love to skip. Here’s how you can ensure that it’s absolutely miserable:

  • Live for the Weekend.

If you’ve convinced yourself that the weekend is the only time you’re going to enjoy yourself, you’re setting yourself up for a weekly cycle of disappointment. No weekend can live up to the beer commercials. There are seven days in a week. If you are of the mindset that only two of them are worth living for, then you can ensure you’ll be miserable every Monday from here until eternity.

  • Hate what you do.

In the same vein, hating your job, your boss, and the life that “the man” forces you into is another great way to stay miserable. Sure, work is work. But your perspective is largely your choice. Choosing to resent what you have to do in order to put food on the table is a fantastic way to foster a seething hatred of life itself.

  • Amp up the Attitude

Think you’re the only one who’s a little groggy on Monday mornings? Are you sure your Monday is rougher than everyone else’s? Super! You’re now prepared to make each and every interaction you have as pleasant as the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard. Thanks for coming in today.

Congratulations!

You are well on your way to ruining your Monday (and everyone else’s too).

I suppose there are alternatives to sulking through today. You could:

  • Live every day like God has a purpose for you. (Jeremiah 29:11)
  • Work like God is your boss, and everything you do is important. (Colossians 3:23)
  • Treat other people the way you want to be treated. (Matthew 7:12)

But then again, who would want to do that? I mean, what fun is it to live with purpose and joy? It would be much easier to just complain my way through one day a week.

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Nuclear Fallout: Life after Relationship Death

March 14, 2012 — 4 Comments
Nuclear Fallout: Life after Relationship Death

You Can Survive

“Pull the Plug: When You Should Kill a Relationship” generated a lot of traffic, comments and emails.

Today I want to take it to the next level. Let’s go.

First, “killing a relationship“, as I phrased it, is what I call “the nuclear option“. It is only to be employed in the worst-case scenario. This is almost never the first solution, and only acted upon in the context of grave hurt, godly counsel and a clear understanding of the consequences. Things may never be the same after pushing that button, so make sure you understand the gravity of what you’re doing when you shut down a highly dysfunctional relationship.

My fear is that too many people stay for too long in relationships that spread their tentacles of toxicity into too many hearts and lives. Irreparable damage is done, and innocent people are hurt. (i.e. the Mom who stayed too long with the abuser)

Second, if you have found yourself in the unenviable position of having to “push the button”, you need to know something. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. The good news is that navigating the “nuclear winter” of the next weeks and months is not impossible. Plenty of people have done it.

This is what you need to know to survive and (someday) thrive:

  1. You’re not alone. Your situation is not unique. I know the pain is unique, but the reality is that lots of people have survived what you’re going through. Knowing this will help fight the urge to go back on your commitment to lead a new life, one free of the toxic presence of whoever you’ve separated yourself from. You will survive. Keep your moving. You will move forward.
  2. You’re not alone unless you are alone. None of us were designed to face life’s difficulties alone. I’m not strong enough. Neither are you. Even in the best of times I depend on an entire network of people to help me navigate my way through life. The best place to build this into your life is a healthy local church. They exist. I’m part of one. I know you may have had both good and bad experiences there. Get over them. Go and get connected in some relationships worthy of the trust you are willing to extend. It may be a slow process for you, but take it one step at a time. That’s the only way to build new and worthwhile relationships. (Read the “Why I Go To Church” Series)
  3. Hope is available. Last week I posted, “29 Reasons to Hope“. This is just a small sample of the hundreds of hope-filled promises we find in Scripture. God is the One who holds the keys to your future. He has good plans for you, and those plans are unlocked with each successive step you take with Him.

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Pull the Plug: When You Should Kill a Relationship

March 13, 2012 — 11 Comments
Pull the Plug: When You Should Kill a Relationship

Pull the Plug

Some relationships should die.

I’ll never forget the first time I recommended that parents kick their son out of the house. He was dealing drugs, had already involved his brother, and was threatening his two younger siblings. If the cops were called one more time, the whole family was going to suffer consequences.

I sat amazed as I listened to Dad say, “Well, he’s a good kid…” He was not. He had lied, stolen, been arrested multiple times, and had broken every other promise imaginable. Every time he fell, he had a comfy spot to land. Home sweet home. Now Mom and Dad sat in my office looking for advice.

My suggestion? “It’s time for Junior to go. You have done your best to raise him right. (they had) He has chosen to reject everything you stand for. He has broken every thread of trust that held your relationship together. It’s time for him to make his own way in the world, to suffer bumps and bruises, and hopefully sober up.”

I wasn’t recommending that they disown him. But they needed to radically redraw the lines in the relationship. What would happen in the future? I could not predict it. For now, their relationship as they knew it needed to die.

This is one of the harder lessons I have had to learn.

As a pastor, I walk with people through all sorts of relational situations. People never schedule time to talk because they’re having a great day. They usually want to get together because they’re dying inside. It’s often due to some sort of relational crisis:

  • “That fight turned ugly.”
  • “She didn’t come home last night.”
  • “My friend betrayed me.”
  • “We just can’t live like this anymore.”

Often there are simple solutions to intense problems. With a little support and illumination from God’s Word, many of our problems can be addressed.

However, sometimes more drastic action is necessary. If you find yourself in certain scenarios, I suggest you talk to a trusted, godly friend, family member or professional. You may need to consider getting out of a relationship for your own good.

  • If a person abusesyou physically or sexually.
    • Do not make excuses for what is completely inexcusable. Get out.
  • If a person is endangeringthe well-being of your child.
    • Your child cannot protect themselves. Only you can. Do not risk their health, both now and for the future.
  • If you simply feel badafter each encounter you have with someone.
    • You don’t need to be friends with everyone.

This is not an exhaustive list. The point is that if your relationship with another is so broken, so one-sided, that they are no longer functional, you may need to step away. Or kick them out.

For more help with Relationships:

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