Don't tank. It's your life. Show up for it.
I've made enough mistakes in my life to help you avoid them in yours. I've seen a lot of people tank the best things in their lives. The new life we can have in Jesus Christ ensures we don't have to live that way anymore.
Personal purity is high on my list of things I want my 4 daughters to hear about from me.
I love my girls more than life itself. All I want is for them to experience all that God has for them. I’ve thought long and hard about what I want to communicate to them.
I finally sat down and formed those thoughts into a letter.
Purity: A Dad’s Perspective
Life will present the opportunity to talk to your kids about tragedy.
Financial priorities aren’t formed by accident. Train your kids now so they’ll be able to handle money in the future.
Build in these three simple priorities at a young age, and they’ll thank you for the rest of their lives.
Give. Save. Live.
Giving comes first.
“Honor the Lord with your wealth; with the firstfruits of your crops.” (Proverbs 3:9)
Only one thing can come first. Second is not first. Last is certainly not first. Only first is first.
God asks for our first and our best. Why? He’s God. He knows what kind of chaos ensues when something else comes first. Money? People? Things? None of them deserve first place in our life.
God isn’t interested in getting his hands on my kid’s babysitting money. He’s equally unimpressed with your earnings. But all through Scripture He’s calling us to prioritize Him with our giving.
Saving for the future is important. Paying your bills is important. Heck, I’d say even taking your family on vacation and doing other fun things is important. But there can only be one first. That’s why we teach our kids to give the first tenth (a tithe) to God, and to occasionally give more generously, which they do often.
Giving builds your faith. Saving secures your future.
If you can discipline yourself to give to God first, you will have what it takes to discipline yourself to save. Unfortunately, personal savings has moved in a drastically negative direction in recent generations. Easy credit and expanding lifestyles have landed many families living paycheck to paycheck.
The problem with this is that just one bump in the road brings this whole house of cards crashing down. If you lost your job tomorrow, would you be able to live for a week or two, or a month, without income?
I know, that’s pretty scary. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t have any savings. Just start developing the discipline. Years from now you’ll be glad you did.
“The wise store up choice food and olive oil, but fools gulp theirs down.” (Proverbs 21:20)
For my kids this means not spending all your money in one shot. The first tenth goes to God. The next tenth goes in the piggy bank. However small, they need to experience the delayed gratification of socking away a few bucks, then discovering they have money to pay for something when they want or need it.
God intended for money to serve you, not for you to serve money.
However, when we don’t prioritize God first by giving, we don’t get his blessing on the rest. Then, if we don’t save, we’ll come up short when we’re in need. This scenario squeezes us into debt we don’t want and consequences we can’t carry. In short, the life is squeezed out of our living.
This is not what God intended for us. He intends for us to live a full life.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life,and have it to the full.” (John 10:10)
When we submit to His plan, we discover maximum freedom.
That’s why we’re trying to help our kids avoid some of the headaches often associated with money. I am sure they’ll make mistakes. I’m sure they’ll have lessons to learn. But for now we’re helping the form the foundation. We’re giving them the opportunity to build some financial muscles with the little bit of money they get from extra chores and birthday cards.
This is a training issue. I know a lot of adults who wish they had learned to order their finances through this filter.
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Hurricane Sandy
Hurricane Sandy is bearing down on us. Where we live, (Broome County, NY) a State of Emergency is about to take effect. Strong winds will almost certainly knock the power out for days, especially if you live away from the city center.
Here’s how to prepare before the power goes out:
If you’re on city water, you’re probably ok. But if you’ve got a well like we do, the pump doesn’t work when the power is out. If that’s the case, you need water for 4 things. 1 – Drinking. Figure a gallon a day per person. 2 – Washing. Hand sanitizer is great, but it’s not fun to wash your face or brush you teeth with. 3 – Cleaning. Again, it’s hard to wash dished with just chemicals. You’ll need to keep everyone healthy. 4 - Flushing the toilet. “Eww, gross!” I know. It’s an unpleasant reality, but if you don’t have water in the back of that magical device, your life will stink. (sorry, couldn’t resist)
What can you eat without cooking? Do you have enough in your house to last you if the grocery store doesn’t have power for 3 days? You don’t need to go crazy, but it might be worth preparing a couple of meals now in order to eat them in the next day or two.
Even if you don’t have a generator to run, your neighbor might. And believe me, you’ll want to have a can full of gas when he offers to loan it to you to run your refrigerator. Go fill your gas cans, as well as your car’s gas tank. You might be glad you did.
Cell phones, laptops, flashlights, kindles. Whatever you’ve got, charge it. Then make sure you’ve got batteries for what needs it. Even your laptop can come in handy to charge your cell phone via a USB cable.
That kitschy lawn gnome could really ruin your day if it comes through your window at 80 mph. If you haven’t already, go grab everything outside that could turn into a projectile.
Got any dirty laundry? Dishes? Need to vacuum? Do it now. 48 hours from now you might be loving the fact that you did that while you still had the aid of appliances.
Now that you’re ready to weather the storm, take a look around. Is that little old lady down the block going to be ok? Does she have a way to heat her home if the power goes out? Is there anyone else checking on her? Does she have all her medications? Don’t assume someone else is taking care of it. Share your preparedness with others.
Alright. If you’ve covered those points, you’re reasonably prepared. Congratulations.
For more info go to the Red Cross Hurricane Preparedness site.
God bless you as we head into this storm. I’ll be praying for your safety. Let’s look out for each other!
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It’s that time of year again. The kids are going back to school!
Back to School Time!
Any parents feel like singing the doxology? (sorry, church joke)
We love our kids. We love soaking up time with them all summer. But there’s a certain relief for both kids and parents when the Fall routine kicks back into place.
This Staples commercial cracks me up:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwcYbo7pjto]
Well Moms and Dads, before you start packing lunches and shooing your kids to the curb to await the arrival of the magical yellow kid-mobile, consider this: Your family needs help to have a successful school year. Taking a few intentional steps now can make all the difference.
Here’s how you can help ensure a successful school year for your kids:
You are the leader of your children. They look to you for direction. Give it.
Our kids watch us for cues constantly. Our attitudes about everything, including school, are more “caught” than taught.
Our family’s rhythm gets blown to pieces in the summer. Bed times push later. Wake-up is lazier.
If this creeps into the school year, we will all be miserable. Make sure you, as the parent, are kicking back into schedule as well. Stay one step ahead of your kids by meeting each day with purpose. Pack their lunches the night before. Get up before they do. That way you’ll avoid the harried mornings we all hate.
Sure, it’s fun to joke about the kids going back to school. The reality is that both kids and parents have some anxiety about being separated by the hectic school-year schedules.
Don’t let school and sports take over the entire schedule. Kids need margin, time to play and just be kids. If there is no margin in your schedule, cancel something. Be ruthless. Free time with their parents is vital to a kids’ development and sanity.
Look your kids in the eye and tell them when they’ll have some unscripted connect time with you. Whether that means time on the couch watching cartoons on Saturday morning or play time in the evenings, kids need to understand that they’re not scheduled 24 hours a day.
This school year can be a great success for your family. Taking just a few proactive steps will help make it a success for everyone.
Memorial Day
I don’t have to look far for an example of what it means to serve our country.
The young man next door just returned from serving in Afghanistan. His family is of course ecstatic, as they should be. He has endured not only intense training, but has daily put his life on the line for the safety and security of others, dutifully carrying out the will of his country. I thank him every chance I get.
As I have prayed for him over these past months, I have often been reminded of the freedoms I am afforded due to the service of such outstanding men and women. Because others serve:
I think of prior generations, who sacrificed so much to lay our foundation of freedom. My uncle Don served in Vietnam, courageously carrying out his duty during an unpopular and thankless war. I hope we never again treat our troops the way we did then.
My Grandfather Wood served in the Navy during WWII, travelling the world by sea as it seemingly came unhinged on land. I cannot imagine the intensity of those years. The outcome was not written. Brave men had to wrest a better future from the hands of those bent on evil.
Just following the war, my Grandfather Wickman came of age to join, and sailed the seas as well. I am forever indebted to this generation. We all are. I am also blessed to still have my Grandpa with us. Today he’ll be at our home for a celebration of life. My daughters have birthdays to celebrate in May, and our family and friends are gathering. We’ll take time to pray before we eat, remembering all those who have gone before us, securing our freedom.
Winning at Relationships
Let’s admit it. Whether it’s a contest, a bid, or a fight, we’d all rather be on the winning side when the dust settles. Nobody likes losing.
Our closest relationships deeply impact the quality and direction of our life. If you’ve experienced a marriage going bad, a friendship blowing up, or a rift between child and parents, you know how much is at stake. Relationships matter. Relationships are worth winning.
Our secondary relationships are worth maintaining too. Foul up a relationship with your coworker, and your day can seem longer than it really is. Work gets clunky, and decisions that should sail through smoothly screech to a halt, all because of a failure to maintain a relationship.
Even momentary interactions with others matter. Be rude to your server, and not only might you get slow service, you could ruin someone’s day. Don’t be that guy. Every person is important. Treat them that way. Your seemingly mundane interactions with others have a continuous ripple effect. It’s your daily, momentary decision to bless others that adds up to your life positively impacting this world.
You could get a lot of things wrong in life, and if you get relationships right, you still win. Believe me, I’ve done enough funerals to know that only a few things matter on the day the put me in the ground. I’ve buried rich men who left a trail of pain and suffering in their wake. Brokenness seems to be the only common denominator in the ones they leave behind. I’ve also celebrated the life of penniless people whose presence will be sorely missed because it was cherished and valued for all the right reasons. They leave in their absence an example of how to live life well.
This is how I order my relationships, starting with the most important. I’ve also included a question to get you thinking.
There can only be one number 1 in your life. Make God your top priority (Proverbs 3:5-6), and He will make sure your #2, 3 and 4 thrive as well. He will lead you through every step you need to take in each relationship. He’ll also change you from the inside out in the process. I cannot recommend strongly enough that you give God the number one priority in your life, allowing Him to shape every decision you make, every word you speak, and every action you take. Nothing else has the potential and power to improve the direction and outcome of your life.
You’ll need help. You can get it at a healthy church: “Why I Go to Church – Part 1″
God has given me an incredible trust in blessing me with a spouse. She is not perfect, and God knows neither am I. Our relationship isn’t perfect. But it is beautiful because God made it (Genesis 2:21-24). Now He calls me to a life of radical submission to Him so that I can learn how to love her well (Ephesians 5:21-33). It’s a process we’re both constantly growing in. It’s not easy, but it’s definitely worth it. Our marriage has the potential to bless us, our kids, and someday generations beyond that. Or not. I’ve seen both scenarios play out.
Starting or Re-Starting a Marriage? Go to Start Marriage Right for some great help.
I love my job. But someday I’ll retire from it. I won’t be doing what I’m doing today. Heck, I’ve made more job transitions in the last 10 years than I care to think about. But in 50 years I’ll still be a Daddy to 4 girls who have no one else to take my place. If you’re a parent, your role is irreplaceable. That’s why it’s so important to get your #1 and #2 priorities in order.
I will never forget the day our first precious daughter was born. I marveled and trembled at the reality that I was now responsible for this little life that I held in my arms. I recognized immediately that I would need help to not screw up this amazing privilege of parenting. The good news is that I have found all the help I will ever need in my heavenly Father. He teaches me daily, as He deals with me, what it’s like to be a patient, loving, helpful parent. I couldn’t imagine trying to lead my kids without His leadership.
For a ton of resources on parenting: Focus on the Family
If your family is in tact, you have parents, Aunts, Uncles and cousins who know you like no one else. Unlike some of the other people you interact with on a daily basis, they’ve known you since you were a snot-nosed kid. They know what makes you tick. They know when you’re full of it. And they know when you’re hurting. You can’t fool them for long, and because of that your relationships with them are precious. Take steps to ensure that, as you grow older, you continue to foster closeness in these relationships. Invite them over more than once a year. Call them when you need wisdom. Just listen. Their input is unique in your life.
I’ll add to this category mentors who have had a remarkably positive impact on your life. If you’re fortunate, you’ve been blessed with 2 or 3 people in your life who, although they are not family, have the uncanny ability to speak directly into your life. Since they’re not related to you, they can offer you a fresh and unvarnished perspective on life. Maybe that’s a wise older saint at church. Maybe that’s a business mentor or a coach. You know who they are. Make sure you maintain contact with them and let them know how much you value your relationship.
I have many wonderful people in my life. But none of them are as important to me as the small circle of precious people who I will live the rest of my life loving, serving and (hopefully) blessing. I love my friends and coworkers. They’re phenomenal people, and their lives impact me daily. However, nobody else gets to crowd out my God, my wife and my kids. I’ve made the mistake before of allowing some “creep” in that area, prioritizing others’ opinions, schedules and demands over #1, 2 and 3. I don’t intend to do that again.
Relationships are what make life worth living. Collecting stuff and doing impressive things don’t really matter if you’ve got no one to experience them with. No matter how badly we’ve messed them up in the past, we can start winning at relationships today.
Sometimes there’s no winning with a particular relationship. It’s simply too toxic.
When is that? What do you then? Read More:
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Last week I wrote, “Why I Go To Church – Part 1“. Here’s the next segment:
Going to church every week can be a hassle. For starters, you have to get out of bed. Then you have to brave the elements, find a parking space, get everybody where they need to go… it’s no small task.
I still say it’s worth it. Why?
Mom and Dad started taking me to church when I was five years old. Thirty years later, I think that was one of the best decisions they ever made.
I’ll never forget the day I asked Jesus Christ to come and live in my heart. I had just opened my lunchbox and was about to pray, thanking God for my food. I paused and thought, “That nice lady at church said if I asked Jesus to come live in my heart, that He would.” So I did. I was six. That began a lifelong process of transformation for me.
That wouldn’t have happened if my parents had not exposed me to godly people in a faith community. This group of people was far from perfect; but we learned to stick together, eat together, and even hurt together. Today some of those people are still in my life. I see them every week. I’ve watched their kids grow up. They’re like aunts, uncles and grandparents to me. I have no shortage of people I could turn to for wisdom about the big questions of life.
If getting out of bed is the price we pay to go to church…
Watching our own children come to a personal, saving relationship with Jesus is worth “the price of admission” (getting up, getting dressed, fights in the car on the way…) all by itself. Sure, we talk about God at home. But kids need more than Mom and Dad. They need other trustworthy voices speaking into their lives. Knowing that we’re setting our kids up for a lifelong walk with God, who can parent far better than we can, is priceless.
Add to that the fact that my wife and I have 1 hour a week to worship and learn something together and we’re way into the black.
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